I didn't think that anyone would actually be so imbecilic as to put forth the proposition that the incident at VA Tech last week might not have been as bad, had only more students been carrying guns.
Surely, I thought, such a position would be self-satirizing. No one could be that dumb.
And then the Virginia Citizens' Defense League went ahead and exceeded my expectations.
"They had gun control on campus and it got all those people killed, because nobody could defend themselves," [the president of the league] told AFP.
"You want people to be able to defend themselves -- always," he said.
Yes, you read that correctly: the responsibility for the Virginia Tech Massacre lies with gun control. There just weren't enough guns at VA Tech.
Well, now we know what the problem was. But at least there's a clear solution: more students need to carry guns. How patently logical. I'm sure such a trend will ensure a marked drop in gun violence on campuses. And we can't forget how much college students like to drink. Surely, binge drinking + concealed firearms = safety for all. Problem solved!
Now, using the same intrepid logic, let's ensure permanent world peace by giving every country on Earth a nuclear weapon.
Thank you, Virginia Citizens' Defense League. You are inspiring proof that things like illiteracy and a lack of a high school education shouldn't stop you from getting out there and solving the world's problems.
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