This just in: druggie girl doing drugs again

I take a certain pride in staying deliberately aloof from much of American pop culture, but that's difficult when the line between pop culture and news is blurry at best.

I keep seeing news stories about how someone named Amy Winehouse smokes a lot of crack. I hear she also sings?

Jekyll and Hyde

The world of political smear tactics presents a difficult question: how do you smear your opponent without being smeared yourself for running a negative campaign?

Barack Obama has gotten around it by, well, not smearing.

Hillary Clinton, on the other hand, has a different tactic. She has been using her husband as a mercenary. Bill does the smearing, and gets media attention because he's Bill Clinton. And Hillary gets to maintain her image as a positive, clean-fighting politician.

This technique has not been subtle. But it is irritating, and it lends the otherwise idiotic and usually sexist question of who's really running for president - Hillary, or Bill for round two - more credit than it deserves.

Bill, of course, has the right to his opinions. He also has the right to voice those opinions in public support of his wife. But the division of labor that has been set up so transparently between him and Hillary exemplifies just the kind of cynical prevarication that we've endured under this administration for eight years. I don't think we need it for another four.

YouTube: Educating the Next Generation of US History Scholars

YouTube: George Washington (New link here)

He'll save children, but not the British children...

Now they're slinging mud over how much mud they're slinging

CNN: Bill Clinton complains about Obama's attacks

"I've got before me a list of 80 attacks on Hillary that are quite personal by Sen. Obama and his campaign going back six months that I've had pulled," he said, speaking to CNN contributor Roland Martin on WVON-AM's "The Roland S. Martin Show" based in Chicago, Illinois.

What -- is this elementary school? Oh right, worse - it's primary season.

Only a few more weeks of intraparty squabbling. Then we can look forward to eight months of interparty scrapping! God bless America.

Pleonasm

Ambrose Bierce defined the pleonasm as "an army of words escorting a corporal of thought." It's basically a fancy term for redundancy. Like, for instance, if one was to say, "At the ATM machine, you need to enter your PIN number," which stands for "At the Automatic Teller Machine machine, you need to enter your Personal Identification Number number."

Every kiss begins with... the exchange of material wealth

You know the commercials. The ones in which the thoughtful man surprises his wife for a holiday or anniversary with a piece of diamond jewelery. Her mouth opens in ecstatic disbelief, she looks at him, her eyes mist over with grateful affection, their lips meet...

And then the singsong voiceover: "Every kiss begins with Kay."

Think for a second about what the cynical bastards at Kay Jewelers are actually saying. Every kiss begins with Kay: all romantic love is founded upon the exchange of expensive gifts. Not attraction. Not shared dreams or common interests. Not even sex or the base desire to procreate and raise a family. No - Kay wants you to remind you that the true meaning of love is found in useless, shiny scraps of carbon.

There are plenty of other vomit-inducing commercials around this time of year, but I don't know of any others that make the outrageous claim that the very existence of romantic affection owes itself to the consumption of their product.

Oxymoron of the day: 'Creationist Biologist'

Reuters: Christian biologist fired for beliefs, suit says

A Christian biologist is suing the prestigious Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution in Massachusetts, claiming he was fired for refusing to accept evolution, lawyers involved in the case said on Friday.

The zebrafish specialist said his civil rights were violated when he was dismissed shortly after telling his superior he did not accept evolution because he believed the Bible presented a true account of human creation.

If an auto mechanic, a district attorney, or a real estate agent were to get fired for being a creationist, that's discrimination.

But if a marine biologist gets fired for being a creationist, that's just because the moron is too incompetent to perform his job.

It is perfectly acceptable that Nathaniel Abraham was fired for his religious beliefs. His beliefs not only indicate loose epistemic standards - which should discredit any scientist - they also come into direct conflict with the foundations of his scientific field. Just as no physicist can perform his job without belief in the theory of gravity, no responsible biologist can hold that his literal, word-for-word belief in the biblical creation story dislodges the theory of evolution. With some logical stretching, an advocate of intelligent design might be able to fuse his beliefs with evolutionary theory and still be a competant biologist, but no one who is daft enough to disregard a towering amount of essential scientific knowledge in favor of a puerile ancient myth can call himself a scientist.

In its concluding paragraph, the article reports that Abraham is now a biology "professor" at Liberty "University", the pseudo-academic shithole in Virginia founded by Jerry Falwell. Liberty University: where students and faculty alike come to insulate their god-given backward beliefs against the heretical facts and logic that run so rampant in today's world.

Teddy Bears and Prophets

Gillian Gibbons, the innocuous English primary school teacher who was nearly executed because her Sudanese students had the subversive temerity to give a stuffed bear the most popular name in the world, is back home in England. For the time being at least, she is safe from irrational dogma and religious hate.

This ridiculous story is reminiscent of the cartoonist row a few years back, when a European cartoonist was burned in effigy and had assassination decrees on his head for the simple act of drawing an image of Muhammad.

These two situations resulted from the same injustice: non-Muslims were being held accountable, and punishable, for transgressions of Islamic law.

Religion is like a social contract: if I choose to observe or convert to a given religion, I explicitly and implicitly agree to follow the laws, protocol, and moral standards set out by that religion. But those within the religion have no right to carry out an inquisition against outsiders who break arbitrary religious laws they never agreed to follow in the first place.

Also, although I admit that I have only a cursory familiarity with the Sharia, I don't know of what law exactly it is that prevents children from naming an inanimate toy bear after Muhammad. Muhammad is, after all, not only the name of the prophet, but the most common male name in the world. Besides, can you imagine the Catholic Church threatening to kill someone for naming a rubber ducky Jesus? The worst that would happen would be that the Pope would issue an edict against the deification of bath toys.

The Quietly Disappearing Senator

Trent Lott has announced his resignation from the Senate!

Even though this story broke only yesterday, it was completely invisible today on several mainstream news sites I checked. Even that notorious liberal rag The New York Times had this story buried in a list all the way at the bottom of their politics page. I couldn't even find the story listed on the politics page of CNN, although they made room for "Was Obama too honest about drug use?" and, amazingly, "Fifth graders' take on politics and the issues."

Why isn't this story getting more press? A senior Republican Senator is resigning before the end of his term, thereby ending a 35-year career, and it's regarded as a mere footnote? So much for the liberal media!

One FEWER

There is a new ad campaign on TV that's raising awareness for cervical cancer. Launched by the pharmaceutical company Merck, which manufactures an HPV vaccine, the "One Less" ad campaign features young women defiantly proclaiming, "I want to be one less woman who will battle cervical cancer. One less." The website also announces that "You could be 1 less life affected by cervical cancer."

While I applaud cancer treatments, I loathe illiterate mishandlings of the English language. Apparently the good people at Merck forgot to check Strunk and White before making their commercials.

'One less woman' is nonsense; it's the equivalent of saying 'fewer water' or 'many money'.

'Less' is a word for non-numerical quantity: "I want there to be less cancer in the world," or "I have less money than she."

When discussing numbers, however, 'fewer' should be used, as in "I want to be one fewer woman who will battle cervical cancer," or "I want there to be fewer commercials that employ bad English."

So, to sum up: LESS cancer, LESS water, or LESS money, but FEWER women, FEWER commercials, or one FEWER life.

"You could be 1 less life affected by cervical cancer." Laudable sentiment. Terrible writing.

Rice and Vocab

Free Rice
http://www.freerice.com

My kind of website: learn vocabulary while donating rice for the hungry! The edifying AND ethical way to procrastinate at work!

Christianity as antiquity

"When we hear the ancient bells growling on a Sunday morning we ask ourselves: Is it really possible! this, for a Jew, crucified over two thousand years ago, who said he was God's son. The proof of such a claim is lacking. Certainly the Christian religion is an antiquity projected into our times from remote prehistory; and the fact that the claim is believed - whereas one is otherwise so strict in examining pretensions - is perhaps the most ancient piece of this heritage. A got who begets children with a mortal woman; a sage who bids men work no more, have no more courts, but look for signs of the impending end of the world; a justice that accepts the innocent as a vicarious sacrifice; someone who orders his disciples to drink his blood; prayers for miraculous interventions; sins perpetrated against a god, atoned for by a god; fear of a beyond to which death is the portal; the form of the cross as a symbol in a time that no longer knows the function and the ignominy of the cross - how ghoulishly this all touches us, as if from the tomb of a primeval past! Can one believe that such things are still believed?"

-Friederich Nietzsche, Human, All-Too-Human

"Dollars," but no sense

DOLLAR MAX
YOUR "DOLLAR" BUYS "MAX" HERE

Another purposeless use of quotation marks with an unintended humorous effect. Are they trying to poke sarcastic fun at the weak US Dollar? Or does they just not write that good?

Happy Halloween

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never-nevermore."'

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.'

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!

-Edgar Allen Poe, The Raven, 1845

Colbert For President!

Stephen's presidential bid has become international news! One million strong for Colbert!

On Memorials

"After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one."

-Cato the Elder (234-149)

Experience

I like Barack Obama. He is intelligent, charismatic, and capable. As much as I prefer to remain aloof from this absurdly premature presidential race, I have to say that he's my preferred candidate.

But there are some who argue that he lacks experience. He's young - if 46 can be considered young - and he's 'only' a first-term senator. Thus some say that he lacks the worldly political knowledge necessary to be president.

The flimsiness of this critique becomes apparent when one consults recent history. In the past twenty years, two presidents have emerged as icons: Reagan for the right wing, and Clinton for the left. Both of these men had only been state governors before assuming the office of president; they hadn't even had any federal government experience, let alone experience in foreign policy! And yet each man continues to enjoy the reputation of a very successful presidency.

But if you're still concerned with experience, perhaps you should consider the resume of one of the most experienced presidents in our history. The son of a blacksmith, he had pulled himself up by his own bootstraps, attended Stanford University, and made his wealth as a mining engineer. He served as a humanitarian administrator who oversaw food and disaster relief to millions of people inside and out of the US, for which actions the New York Times named him one of the Ten Most Important Living Americans. He then served as US Secretary of Commerce, and he was so good at the job that he often overshadowed the sitting presidents he was serving. He was, thus, a natural choice for the presidency, to which he was elected in a landslide election. That man's name was Herbert Hoover, and his presidency is regarded as one of the most disastrous in US history.

So much for experience.

Tough Call

Christian Science Monitor: Religious Right's Tough Call

WASHINGTON - After two days of wooing by all the Republican presidential candidates, religious conservatives appear no more in agreement on whom to support than they did going in.

The good news, said some of the 2,500 attendees at the Values Voter Summit organized by the Family Research Council, is that most of the GOP candidates share their views on the bedrock issues of the movement: opposition to abortion rights and support for traditional marriage. The bad news is that the strongest Republican in national polls, former New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani, is not with them on those issues.

It looks like the so-called 'values voters' are having trouble finding a candidate who is popular but also sufficiently homophobic and strong against women's rights. Shame that Brownback's out of the race. His 'values' were certainly backward enough.

What about God? Is he available for a presidential bid? Or is He too busy preparing to rapture all of those values voters? I hope he does so soon - then those of us who are 'left behind' can elect a worthy president according to rational criteria.

"Clean"

I've pointed out before (here and here) how quotations can be misused with tragic results.

I say again: quotation marks do NOT add emphasis (that's what italics, boldface, underlining, and capital letters are for). Quotes are used to quote someone (is that so hard?), or to make a sarcastic joke, which is what this unfortunately punctuated sign ends up looking like.

Too bad they don't teach that kind of thing anymore in this nation's public "schools".

Stalling for time

CNN: Craig appeals judge's ruling in sex sting case

Keep stalling, Larry. (Get it? Stalling?) And thanks for all those Democratic votes you're winning over for next year!

Thoughts and Ends

Our wills and fates do so contrary run
That our devices still are overthrown;
Our thoughts are ours, their ends none of their own.

-The Player King, Hamlet, III.ii

The Idiot

"As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured."

-George W. Bush, September 2007

"My job is a decision-making job, and as a result I make a lot of decisions."

-George W. Bush, October 2007


This man is the President of the United States of America. That fact, by itself, is the strongest case against democratic representation I've ever heard.

Ghosts, Witches, Pumpkins... and Santa?

You know what they say about Christmas: it comes only once a year. For four goddamned months.

The above photographs were taken in a Costco store on September 29. That's more than a month before Halloween. And sure enough, three aisles away there was a stack of Halloween candy. Halloween treats and Christmas decorations should never, ever meet in the same store.

These obtrusive and unseasonable decorations were accompanied by the loud, odious chords of electronic Christmas music. Hearing a bad adaptation of "Deck the Halls" is depressing in the first place; hearing it in a wholesale retailer in September is enough to make one suicidal.

This perverse extension of "the season to be jolly" will make Scrooges of us all. Bah! Humbug!

The Call of the Puffin

What sound do you think this cute little unassuming birdy makes? A chirp? A squawk? Perhaps even a melodious song?

Guess again. Try a terrifying chainsaw-like roar!

This too.

(These unsettling authentic bird sounds brought to you by http://www.audubon.org/bird/puffin/questions.html.)

The trial of a polygamist 'prophet'

CNN: Polygamist 'prophet' found guilty of aiding rape

Polygamist sect leader Warren Steed Jeffs was found guilty Tuesday of being an accomplice to rape for using his religious authority to push a 14-year-old girl into a marriage she did not want.

Wall [the victim] spent three days on the stand, frequently sobbing as she described how she felt trapped in a marriage she did not want, to a man she did not like.

She said she repeatedly told Jeffs that she did not want to be married and was uncomfortable with her new husband's sexual advances. Jeffs advised her to pray and to submit to her husband, learn to love him, and bear his children -- or risk losing her "eternal salvation," she said.

Thus spake the prophet Jeffs: submit to rape and turn over control of your life to a man you despise, or you won't go to heaven. What could anyone say in defense of this repulsive fraud?

The defense countered that authorities were persecuting Jeffs because of his religious beliefs, which include practicing plural marriage as the way to heaven. "His church, his religious beliefs is what's on trial here, and it's being dressed up as a rape," attorney Walter Bugden argued.

Absolutely right. Ignore this defending attorney's apparently tenuous grasp of grammar and syntax for a second, and consider what he's saying. Warren Jeffs's religious beliefs are being put on trial for rape.

It's true. But his defending attorney says that like it's a bad thing.

Of course this reprobate's religious beliefs are being put on trial. The defending attorney is right about that, but here's the specious turn in his argument: he makes it seem that the beliefs are on trial BECAUSE they are religious.

The beliefs are not being assaulted because they are affiliated with a religion. They are being assaulted because they have led to degenerate and malicious behavior that is patently unacceptable in a free and lawful society.

Notice, though, that it is not the religious beliefs themselves that are being prosecuted, but the actions that the beliefs inspired. This is a free country, and you can believe whatever you want, however outrageous, but it is foolish to expect amnesty for acting on those beliefs. To use a more secular example, take the KKK; they can think and say whatever they want about minorities, but they can't cite the freedoms of belief and expression when they go lynch someone.

This trial is reminiscent of another that took place some eighty-two years ago. In the Scopes trial, the religious beliefs of anti-evolution America were taken to task - not because they were religious, but because they were ignorant, because they supported stultifying the education of our children, because they favored ancient myths over scientific fact.

Is it right that reprehensible, outrageous, or idiotic beliefs take on a sacrosanct aura of legitimacy simply because they are associated with a religion? Should we tolerate things like statutory rape or rejection of scientific knowledge because the 'sacred' preachings of ancient texts and a few sanctimonious frauds in long robes claim it's what god wants?

In a free society such as ours, such beliefs will inevitably come into conflict with reason. And they will lose.

One fewer god

"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."

-Stephen Roberts

Horowitz

YouTube: David Horowitz Accuses UCSC of Being Too Un-American (and gets totally shot down by Alan Colmes)

For once, Alan Colmes pulls his weight.

Or perhaps David Horowitz is just so cretinous that he can be nailed by Sean Hannity's effete liberal counterpart.

An apostate leftist, Horowitz has become something of a conservative celebrity for his strident criticisms of academia as an institutional hive of leftist indocrination. He's essentially a Joe McCarthy for the modern academy, and brings with him all of the charm, wit, and credibility of his 1950s predecessor.

His books, such as The Professors: The 101 Most Dangerous Academics in America and Indoctrination U, are full of hysterical shriekings about the left's stranglehold on our colleges, and the conniving communist professors who pour red poison in the ears of innocent college students. His books are plagued with errors and deliberate lies (see for instance the Horowitz fact checker), but Horowitz is, after all, an analyst for Fox News; facts are clearly not high on this man's list of concerns.

Peace, friendship, and death to the Jews

CNN: Amadinejad: Iran can help secure Iraq, Israel is 'cruel'

(CNN) -- Iran wants "peace and friendship for all," the country's president said Wednesday while again denying Western assertions his nation is pursuing nuclear weapons and trying to destabilize Iraq.

But Mahmoud Ahmadinejad took a hard line against Israel, calling it "an invader" and saying it "cannot continue its life."

So, "peace and friendship for all," but Israel must die?

One of three things is going on here.

1. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad does not know what "peace" means.
2. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad does not know what "all" means.
3. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is a raving anti-semitic lunatic whose position as the leader of a potential nuclear power is not a little disquieting.

I'll give you three guesses.

Fire Water!

AP: Radio Frequencies Help Burn Salt Water

John Kanzius happened upon the discovery accidentally when he tried to desalinate seawater with a radio-frequency generator he developed to treat cancer. He discovered that as long as the salt water was exposed to the radio frequencies, it would burn.

The discovery has scientists excited by the prospect of using salt water, the most abundant resource on earth, as a fuel.

Rustum Roy, a Penn State University chemist, has held demonstrations at his State College lab to confirm his own observations.

The radio frequencies act to weaken the bonds between the elements that make up salt water, releasing the hydrogen, Roy said. Once ignited, the hydrogen will burn as long as it is exposed to the frequencies, he said.

The Meaning of Religious Freedom

"The meaning of religious freedom, I fear, is sometimes greatly misapprehended. It is taken to be a sort of immunity, not merely from governmental control but also from public opinion. A dunderhead gets himself a long-tailed coat, rises behind the sacred desk, and emits such bilge as would gag a Hottentot. Is it to pass unchallenged? If so, then what we have is not religious freedom at all, but the most intolerable and outrageous variety of religious despotism. Any fool, once he is admitted to holy orders, becomes infallible. Any half-wit, by the simple device of ascribing his delusions to revelation, takes on an authority that is denied to all the rest of us."

-H.L. Mencken, in his coverage of the Scopes Trial, 1925